Effective Communicators are developed - not born. Here are a few tips/ideas to get you started:
First and foremost - be quiet - shut up and listen; it is the first step to communicating.
Don't take another person's reaction or anger personally, even if they lash out at you in what seems a personal manner. Take a deep breath and count to 10, and see it as a way of letting the other person vent before he is able to communicate what's really on his mind.
You don't have to have all the answers. It's OK to say, "I don't know."
Respond; don't react - "Tell me more about your concern" or "I understand your frustration". Share responsibility for any communication in which you're a participant, and realize that sometimes, maybe often, your own personal reactions may be causing your frustrations about communicating with others.
Understand that people want to feel heard more than they care about whether you agree with them. You can show that you're listening by giving someone your complete attention and saying things like:
"Tell me more about your concern."
"What is it that concerns you?"
"I'm interested in what you've just said. Can you share a little bit about what lead you to that?"
"What would have to happen for you to be more comfortable?"
Remember that what someone says and what we hear can be amazingly different! Our personal filters, assumptions, judgments, and beliefs can distort what we hear. Restate what you think you heard and ask, "Have I understood you correctly?" If you find yourself responding emotionally to what someone said, say so, and ask for more information.
Acknowledge inconvenience or frustration and offer a timeline, particularly if you need someone else's cooperation or your activities will affect them.
Look for common ground instead of focusing solely on differences. What might you both be interested in? One way to begin discovering commonality is to share your underlying intention.
Remember that change is stressful for most people, particularly if your activities affect them in a way that they aren't scheduling or controlling. So if you're in someone's space or need him to do something on your timeline, provide as much information as you can about what you'll need from the person and when.
Work to keep a positive mental focus. One of the choices we always have is how we see or experience any given circumstance. Many people who are considered skillful and successful, including professional athletes and cultural leaders, work to maintain a positive mind-set.
Understand that most people, including you, have a unique, often self-serving, agenda.
Improve your listening skill. Most people think they listen well, but the truth is that most of people don't listen at all -- they just speak and then think about what they're going to say next. Good listening often means asking good questions and clearing your mind of distractions, including what you're going to say next.
This information provides food for thought. The most effective communication plan should be tailored to your needs.
The Lesson:
Silence is golden, when it comes to being a Great Communicator!
Co-Founder
Blue Skies HMS
www.czhhospitality.com